Monday, August 13, 2012 the business of cliches
Business clichés. You really can't beat them can you? Actually, I'd gladly beat upon them.
You know the kind of annoying phrases I'm referring to - business buzzwords. Those thrown in by people in meetings often trying to show off, or, more likely, to cover up a lack of understanding.
Here's my top five most loathed business clichés, in reverse order...
- "I have a window next Tuesday... " (you have a what?)
- "We need to step up to the plate... " (how about let's throw some plates instead)
- "Let's touch base tomorrow... " (like nails scratching at a blackboard)
- "We don't shout about things enough..." (Do you really have something worthy of shouting about?)
but my personal top of the pops, by some distance, has to be:
5. "What we need is a 'hearts and minds' campaign... "
(which, roughly translated, almost always actually means - People are really unhappy with this/us, so what we need from you is a magical campaign to try to win them around from this seemingly impossible situation)
Arrgghh.
Sometimes, you have to accept that people are unhappy, understand why this is and then see where and how you may be able to address their unhappiness (and not simply try to convince them otherwise) More listening and less talking, please.
What are your faves, or should I say most disliked business bingo phrases?
Do please share any gems.
Anyway, I'm off to go pick some low hanging fruit...
Darren Caveney is co-creator of comms2point0
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Reader Comments (7)
Great post Darren. We did a feature on these terms and phrases in a former staff newsletter and came up with some corkers.
I'll try to dig it out, but the one that always drives me mad is 'linkages', when people almost inevitably mean that far more commonly used word, 'links'.
Others that spring to mind are facilitate (help), service users (customers), utilise (use).
Let's touch base over sushi.
Fly it up the flagpole, see who salutes it.
You can't turn a tanker around with a speed boat change.
Office Champion.
Thanks both
And yes Ian, do dig out your article as I'm sure it would be popular, judging by feedback today
cheers
Darren
Great post Darren! Having attended far too many meetings in my time, I've been bamboozled, confused and actually laughed out loud at a few of the cliches that have been banded around. Here are my favourites:
- We don't have problems, merely issues to overcome. (Uttered days before a hostile takeover resulted in 350 job losses)
- Lets shake it down and see what happens. (Exercise class in the boardroom?)
- Do you want to see the presentation figures. Or the actual figures? (Which ones are correct?!)
- Lets scope the horizon and look for the starburst. (So you want me to look at what is likely to happen?)
- I want to say .... (Well, say it then)
And my personal favourite ....
- If we can vision tomorrow, we'll achieve greatness today (No, if we can sort out why customers are angry today, they won't phone up tomorrow!)
Brilliant, thanks Toni - some classic quotes there.
It does make you wonder, though, about the nonsense phrases we all may have spouted at some point doesn't it.
Darren
My current favourite is "side of desk activity" - if it's your job why not use the centre of your desk?!
Great post Darren but let's park the discussion for now [move hands to side] and take it offline [point thumbs over shoulder].