Tuesday, August 19, 2014 four stages of comms facepalm...
The Urban Dictionary describes 'facepalm' as the correct response of putting your palm to your head in response to a particularly stupid question or comment... are we alone in thinking that comms people get to do a lot of this?
by Dan Slee
We've all been there working in comms, marketing, web and PR... the ridiculous request that gets made of you that is dafter than a box of frogs.
A request or a comment so ludicrous, so inane and so lacking in common sense that it takes all your considerable being to stop yourself from tipping over the desk and shouting loudly: "But that's just... STOOPID!"
But you don't. You nod sagely and then think of a diplomatic answer while in your head you've tipped over the table.
For my part I was really good at the diplomacy. Probably too good. But after many years in PR teams I've come to realise there are phases.
Often this cycle starts at ten past five of a Friday afternoon which as we all know is the true witching hour for 'interesting' requests.
Stage One: The Silly Request
This is where it starts. Someone has asked you to do something impractical, stupid, immoral or ridiculous. This may involve clip art. It may involve the suggestion of putting someone really inappropriate up for interview with a really silly title. Like the time in my career when the cutting edge art gallery bod wanted to see if the Sunday tabloid would come and do a feature on their metallic vibrator that was on display because they wanted to stimulate a balanced debate on art.
Hey you there with the scissors. Put them down, can you?
Stage Two: The Response to the Silly Request
This next phase is the dangerous phase. How do you respond? A former colleague of mine had this down pat. A response 'Well, that's one view,' indicated that they thought that was the most ridiculous thing they'd ever heard in their entire life and nobody sane could even countenance thinking that never mind articulating it.
The next step up from that, of course, was the occasionally heard 'Well, that's certainly one view...'
The alternative school of thought is to tip over the table and roar like a madman. Believe me, I've been inches away from it.
Stage Three: The Scuffle
You've reached an impasse. They want that back of bus ad campaign. They need it. They don't know why. They have no evidence. They just NEED it and YOU are the unreasonable one.
Usually this is the point where things get escalated and this is where those personal relationships come in handy. Some you win and some you lose.
Stage Four: The War Story
Your battle with the box of frogs now becomes the stuff of legend that gets repeated in places where former colleagues or comms people gather. Often yours are madder than anyone else's. But it is important to share these to get a sense check. No, it was them. It wasn't you.
So here's where this post can come in. We've written this post so you can share - anonymously if needs be - and you can release a primal scream of inner angst and share the pain with your colleagues in the industry.
Here are SIX of my favourites
Got asked to a meeting to discuss the comms around the signing of a major, major contract. Politician wanted CNN, Sky TV and the world's media. Director nods sagely. Politician leaves safe in the knowledge that his instructions are very clear. Director then leans across the table and opens with: "I want none of that. If we have a press conference and no-one turns up that will be a major success..."
Got told they want to spend around six grand on an insert in the local paper. Why? Because they've always done it and a next door neighbour is doing it. Besides, they get it converted into a glossy brochure we can give away and we'll get 500 copies for free. No, they have no evaluation. No, there is no purpose. Result? Six months later 497 copies of the horribly dated brochure remained in the corner of the office gathering dust. As predicted.
Got told they have got some children to design us a new logo and there it is in all its stretched logo glory...
Got asked to 'make it look 'whizzy' by a person who admits they don't know what whizzy looks like. Yes, really.
Got told that unless I say 'yes' to this homemade poster with clip art and a logo that's been stretched your event that's happening in three days will be a failure and it'll all be my fault. No, really.
Got asked to put a piece in the residents' magazine by one of the people who cut it just two weeks ago. No, really.
Now, here's where you can come in.
Can you share your facepalm war stories?
Anonymously?
Or in person?
And how you deal with them?
You may just save a colleague from being tipped over the edge.
Thank you.
EDIT: There is now a poll of the best comments for a Champion Facepalm award. You can vote here.
Dan Slee is co-founder of comms2point0.
Reader Comments (73)
On work experience and invited to an ideas meeting for their e-newsletter. People from all parts of the council invited. Someone had the idea of promoting "domestic violence champions" - they wanted a logo and everything...
A client launched its new website with a .com domain name. My MD wanted me to to write a press release announcing that our client (a British housebuilder) was using .com so that its website could be seen in the USA.
This was a few years ago but she still couldn't understand why I said 'no'.
I was once called by a worried social worker concerned that she might be about to appear on Channel Four because her boss had told her she had been mentioned 'in Despatches'. Gently explained this didn't mean she was about to feature in a TV documentary - Doh...!
Got asked to make a web banner look 'innovative'. Tried to explain that it's difficult to put innovative in a picture, you demonstrate innovation by making things work more effectively and giving a good online user experience to be told 'I don't want that just make it look innovative'. Next steps was to ask what innovative looked like in banner format to be told 'I have no idea, I'm not really giving you much to go on am I?'
From @ErimusPR on Twitter "just tell the local newspaper to run my boring, irrelevant piece of information. Why wouldn't they?"
Exec director for childrens services: 'All these schools that we're closing so they can be used as polling stations. Are they ours? I mean, do we run them?'
"Can you ring up the paper and tell them you'd like to book the frontpage for my lovely cheque presentation? Tell them I've had enough of bad news and I think that people will want to read all about my good news."
From @theblueeyedkid on Twitter: "I've written a press release can you (the comms team) put it in the paper for me." #pr #eek
From @karolmc on Twitter: Could always be worse. Could get the poetry competition suggestion... #arrrrrrgh #beingmadeangrybyrhymingcouplets
Hi Dan. He was disappointed. Although he hadn't really considered that you land from a sky-dive with quite an impact and said impact of crotch on bike frame is quite wince-inducing when you think about it.
I'm surprised no one has posted the 'Can we make it go viral?' request yet. So, I'll get in first.
I also had the "can we publish this but just not tell anybody about it" request for a project that I'd been working on for over six months.
"Please can you withdraw the press release that went out to promote the launch event for the new app? We do not want hordes of people turning up. Can the article just go on the main website instead?"
#DeepBreaths
Our school meals team insisted on coming up with their own list of 'key messages' they wanted us to use, as written, in a newsletter for parents. Their first 'message' was 'our meals are routinely probed to ensure they are heated to a safe temperature'. Once I stopped laughing I called them to discuss the suitability of the wording.... and ended up in an argument that went on for days. ( I won, incidentally, but only just).
ok, here goes...
As head of local government relations at a national quango, I was asked to write a briefing paper on local government reorganisation for a new director. Invited by my director to present said paper at a meeting of 5-6 directors, but before I could speak, I was "treated" to a 20 minute explanation of the structure of local government, including passenger transport executives. My 2 page briefing was on the table in front of the director but wasn't referred to. I had previously worked at 5 local authorities in 6 years and one of the reasons I was appointed was my prior experience at a ... passenger transport executive. I was then asked to leave the meeting. I went back to my office and swore very loudly at my team for the next hour. After work, my director took me to the pub for a very large gin & tonic by way of compensation for my very obvious fury.
God, that was cathartic!
'Yes we know you are the experts and have done research showing our residents use social media, radio, TV, and online press but we want you to leaflet drop, not sure which areas or how many, I just think this is a good way to talk to people, make this happen'.
In a new job and working for a specific council service which was struggling and needed to increase inquiries and conversions. I had a comms plan created after months of internal work and research on the service and client structure and capacity. On my first day I was asked by no fewer than 3 managers not to do my job as they couldn't handle the enquiries they had coming in already, one suggested I 'kill time a bit' until they felt ready for more work. I didn't. The service adapted rather quickly to more work.
Being paid to walk around a children's hospital and count Disney cartoons 'because someone has said they sue for breach of copyright if you put them up without permission' was my palm moment in the NHS. My professional resolve crumbled when it dawned on me precisely what I was doing: staring at empty spaces for money. I was incapacitated by crippling laughter at the top of a stairwell. No one heard. Alan Taman
Many many examples of 'we need a brochure' and my patiently questioning audience, objectives etc until even the offending and invariably earnest and clever oik had retreated to present my alternative solution, however this one is priceless and current.
After being pleasantly surprised at being invited to an away day to plan a strategy for presence at an economic development event (15 years experience in said area), I eagerly accepted. Two minutes later an email arrived.
The head of service hasn't had a chance to catch up with you yet wrote the secretary. But, what we need is a brochure to take to the event. It will need to be printed the day after the away day, so can you make sure the resources are in place to deliver this.
Still contemplating my response, but wondering whether the day after the away day I should take my entire, media, internal comms, marketing, graphic design, comms and events team on a team building day.
I am also considering forwarding said head of service and comms expert a paper on why organisations have comms teams and the role of a head of comms. Failing that, I may put in a purchase order for a taser.
Posting anon:
The Classic from an inexperienced nhs trust leadership team was their desire to want to press conference every negative issue, thinking it would give them an opportunity to "explain things clearly". Nope, it will just make the issue even more prominent. Thankfully, it never got to that point.
The current dish of the day is the desire to pay for a wraparound on the local paper, to "raise awareness." Of what, remains unexplained...
"That new campaign is great, but can you just make sure it's not TOO effective?"
(Sure! I can be a bit sh*t if you like...)
After crying a little bit, and pondering my very existence , I decided that this meant I'm just TOO awesome :)