Tuesday, August 19, 2014 four stages of comms facepalm...
The Urban Dictionary describes 'facepalm' as the correct response of putting your palm to your head in response to a particularly stupid question or comment... are we alone in thinking that comms people get to do a lot of this?
by Dan Slee
We've all been there working in comms, marketing, web and PR... the ridiculous request that gets made of you that is dafter than a box of frogs.
A request or a comment so ludicrous, so inane and so lacking in common sense that it takes all your considerable being to stop yourself from tipping over the desk and shouting loudly: "But that's just... STOOPID!"
But you don't. You nod sagely and then think of a diplomatic answer while in your head you've tipped over the table.
For my part I was really good at the diplomacy. Probably too good. But after many years in PR teams I've come to realise there are phases.
Often this cycle starts at ten past five of a Friday afternoon which as we all know is the true witching hour for 'interesting' requests.
Stage One: The Silly Request
This is where it starts. Someone has asked you to do something impractical, stupid, immoral or ridiculous. This may involve clip art. It may involve the suggestion of putting someone really inappropriate up for interview with a really silly title. Like the time in my career when the cutting edge art gallery bod wanted to see if the Sunday tabloid would come and do a feature on their metallic vibrator that was on display because they wanted to stimulate a balanced debate on art.
Hey you there with the scissors. Put them down, can you?
Stage Two: The Response to the Silly Request
This next phase is the dangerous phase. How do you respond? A former colleague of mine had this down pat. A response 'Well, that's one view,' indicated that they thought that was the most ridiculous thing they'd ever heard in their entire life and nobody sane could even countenance thinking that never mind articulating it.
The next step up from that, of course, was the occasionally heard 'Well, that's certainly one view...'
The alternative school of thought is to tip over the table and roar like a madman. Believe me, I've been inches away from it.
Stage Three: The Scuffle
You've reached an impasse. They want that back of bus ad campaign. They need it. They don't know why. They have no evidence. They just NEED it and YOU are the unreasonable one.
Usually this is the point where things get escalated and this is where those personal relationships come in handy. Some you win and some you lose.
Stage Four: The War Story
Your battle with the box of frogs now becomes the stuff of legend that gets repeated in places where former colleagues or comms people gather. Often yours are madder than anyone else's. But it is important to share these to get a sense check. No, it was them. It wasn't you.
So here's where this post can come in. We've written this post so you can share - anonymously if needs be - and you can release a primal scream of inner angst and share the pain with your colleagues in the industry.
Here are SIX of my favourites
Got asked to a meeting to discuss the comms around the signing of a major, major contract. Politician wanted CNN, Sky TV and the world's media. Director nods sagely. Politician leaves safe in the knowledge that his instructions are very clear. Director then leans across the table and opens with: "I want none of that. If we have a press conference and no-one turns up that will be a major success..."
Got told they want to spend around six grand on an insert in the local paper. Why? Because they've always done it and a next door neighbour is doing it. Besides, they get it converted into a glossy brochure we can give away and we'll get 500 copies for free. No, they have no evaluation. No, there is no purpose. Result? Six months later 497 copies of the horribly dated brochure remained in the corner of the office gathering dust. As predicted.
Got told they have got some children to design us a new logo and there it is in all its stretched logo glory...
Got asked to 'make it look 'whizzy' by a person who admits they don't know what whizzy looks like. Yes, really.
Got told that unless I say 'yes' to this homemade poster with clip art and a logo that's been stretched your event that's happening in three days will be a failure and it'll all be my fault. No, really.
Got asked to put a piece in the residents' magazine by one of the people who cut it just two weeks ago. No, really.
Now, here's where you can come in.
Can you share your facepalm war stories?
Anonymously?
Or in person?
And how you deal with them?
You may just save a colleague from being tipped over the edge.
Thank you.
EDIT: There is now a poll of the best comments for a Champion Facepalm award. You can vote here.
Dan Slee is co-founder of comms2point0.
Reader Comments (73)
Taken from the Twitter discussion around this blog post... I *may know someone* who was asked to do a press release but didn't want to draw attention to the issue or the organisation.
From @Advita_ on Twitter... @AllthingsIC @comms2point0 #facepalm moment - being told we had £25k for an event, planned everything - then told it was in fact 2.5k 😁
Can you put it on the website but hide it. hellooooooooo. It's called the world wide web for a reason.
Just been reminded of the £22m project that wouldn't part with £200 for a freelance photopgrapher to come and take pics to send to the local papers and put on the internets.
Oh, Estelle, that is so very golden...
"The press heard rumours that we're closing that centre".
"Oh yes, we are, in fact we closed it already"
"YOU CLOSED IT ALREADY? WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ANYONE?"
"We just told you. Oh and put a note on the door."
'Can you not just press the 3D button?'
Oh, Uley.... that's twisted brilliance. Did you actually try to strangle them, actually?
But Stuart, we hear you have a 3D button. Is this right?
From a 'friend' by DM... artwork for a project decided upon by committee. Literally. Like a real committee of people.
Coping strategies from @Kathlhughes
6) low priority/longer timescale = phone call #simples #ifonly
5) high priority/longer timescale = diplomatic meeting ;)
4)low priority/short time = do nothing..
3) high priority/short timescale = damage limitation
2) assess how important the request is in terms of business goals/reputation..
1) count to 10 and remember you are not alone 😀
From Twitter Kate Vogelsang @Kate_bob @comms2point0 PR favourite facepalm moment by a country mile - being asked to put 'the Internet' on a memory stick for a meeting.
Wow.... to that comment above.... just wow....
(In a former job) Our Director was doing a charity bike ride and wanted to start it with a sky-dive at the launch. He had an idea that you could parachute out of a plane, land on a bike and start pedalling away. A colleague had to phone the sky dive company to enquire about the possibility of doing this. The response from the sky dive company was incredulity.
I was once asked by a senior figure in my organisation if I could organise one of those commemorative newspaper prints for his soon-to-be 18 year old son, showing the headline news from the day he was born. His reasoning was "because you work with newspapers all the time, don't you?" Glad that the university education wasn't wasted then.
Long time ago being told by my then CE, "The organisation's website was a bit rubbish." (It was ). "So I want it changed now - and to be done by tomorrow at the latest. " Found out the remarks had been initiated by CE's son who was in his spare time " a bit of a web designer" - while still at school.
Oh, I'm laughing and crying. This IS my life and you have made me feel so much better as a person and as a comms person. Thank you thank you thank. Now...I'm off to negotiate and persuade around, pretty please, adding the corporate branding to something won't you, please, why...? (facepalm)
'I need the artwork in Microsoft Publisher format, that's how it comes - right?'
Jon, that's beautiful. How did you handle the 'err, no they can't actually,' conversation?
Simon, yes, that's a good point. There's a line from 'A' level Wilfred Owen poetry that I keep coming back to. Not the one about gas, GAS! Quickly boys, but an obscure line in a poem called 'Futility' that reads: 'Was it for this the clay grew tall?' Wilfred was talking about the futility of getting mown down by machine guns but hey, he could have been talking about me standing at a photocopier printing off reams of papers for a meeting that will never be read...