Tuesday, August 19, 2014 four stages of comms facepalm...
The Urban Dictionary describes 'facepalm' as the correct response of putting your palm to your head in response to a particularly stupid question or comment... are we alone in thinking that comms people get to do a lot of this?
by Dan Slee
We've all been there working in comms, marketing, web and PR... the ridiculous request that gets made of you that is dafter than a box of frogs.
A request or a comment so ludicrous, so inane and so lacking in common sense that it takes all your considerable being to stop yourself from tipping over the desk and shouting loudly: "But that's just... STOOPID!"
But you don't. You nod sagely and then think of a diplomatic answer while in your head you've tipped over the table.
For my part I was really good at the diplomacy. Probably too good. But after many years in PR teams I've come to realise there are phases.
Often this cycle starts at ten past five of a Friday afternoon which as we all know is the true witching hour for 'interesting' requests.
Stage One: The Silly Request
This is where it starts. Someone has asked you to do something impractical, stupid, immoral or ridiculous. This may involve clip art. It may involve the suggestion of putting someone really inappropriate up for interview with a really silly title. Like the time in my career when the cutting edge art gallery bod wanted to see if the Sunday tabloid would come and do a feature on their metallic vibrator that was on display because they wanted to stimulate a balanced debate on art.
Hey you there with the scissors. Put them down, can you?
Stage Two: The Response to the Silly Request
This next phase is the dangerous phase. How do you respond? A former colleague of mine had this down pat. A response 'Well, that's one view,' indicated that they thought that was the most ridiculous thing they'd ever heard in their entire life and nobody sane could even countenance thinking that never mind articulating it.
The next step up from that, of course, was the occasionally heard 'Well, that's certainly one view...'
The alternative school of thought is to tip over the table and roar like a madman. Believe me, I've been inches away from it.
Stage Three: The Scuffle
You've reached an impasse. They want that back of bus ad campaign. They need it. They don't know why. They have no evidence. They just NEED it and YOU are the unreasonable one.
Usually this is the point where things get escalated and this is where those personal relationships come in handy. Some you win and some you lose.
Stage Four: The War Story
Your battle with the box of frogs now becomes the stuff of legend that gets repeated in places where former colleagues or comms people gather. Often yours are madder than anyone else's. But it is important to share these to get a sense check. No, it was them. It wasn't you.
So here's where this post can come in. We've written this post so you can share - anonymously if needs be - and you can release a primal scream of inner angst and share the pain with your colleagues in the industry.
Here are SIX of my favourites
Got asked to a meeting to discuss the comms around the signing of a major, major contract. Politician wanted CNN, Sky TV and the world's media. Director nods sagely. Politician leaves safe in the knowledge that his instructions are very clear. Director then leans across the table and opens with: "I want none of that. If we have a press conference and no-one turns up that will be a major success..."
Got told they want to spend around six grand on an insert in the local paper. Why? Because they've always done it and a next door neighbour is doing it. Besides, they get it converted into a glossy brochure we can give away and we'll get 500 copies for free. No, they have no evaluation. No, there is no purpose. Result? Six months later 497 copies of the horribly dated brochure remained in the corner of the office gathering dust. As predicted.
Got told they have got some children to design us a new logo and there it is in all its stretched logo glory...
Got asked to 'make it look 'whizzy' by a person who admits they don't know what whizzy looks like. Yes, really.
Got told that unless I say 'yes' to this homemade poster with clip art and a logo that's been stretched your event that's happening in three days will be a failure and it'll all be my fault. No, really.
Got asked to put a piece in the residents' magazine by one of the people who cut it just two weeks ago. No, really.
Now, here's where you can come in.
Can you share your facepalm war stories?
Anonymously?
Or in person?
And how you deal with them?
You may just save a colleague from being tipped over the edge.
Thank you.
EDIT: There is now a poll of the best comments for a Champion Facepalm award. You can vote here.
Dan Slee is co-founder of comms2point0.
Reader Comments (73)
After much preparation and investment as part of a ramping up of our marketing strategy, and spending a week perfecting a speech extolling the virtues of a sub-region honed for a top level developer audience was excited to finally arrive at the very swish dinner. Speech safely with our chairman, all ready to go, two tables full of eminent guests, property glitterati sparkling all over the room and the key property journalists all waiting expectantly. What could go wrong?
As the chairman took the podium, I was feeling great, guests were all engaged and happy and I was so pleased with the follow ups we had already secured. Coffee arrived and as any good host would, I was pouring coffee.
The chairman started to speak, I was running the words in my head.... When he announced that everyone should invest because ' this will be the new area of the hanging basket'
Cue me dropping the coffee pot, guests jumping for cover, colleagues all gesticulating wildly to attract my attention, and me retreating to my seat desperately wishing the ground would open up and sitting on my hands so that my palms could not reach my face.
We had a fundraising event at my local authority and invited a press photographer along to take a photo of the people who had taken part. So far, so ordinairy... Anyway an hour or so after, one of the organisers got in touch and said ''Such and such' wasn't able to make the photo, could the photographer come back, take a photo of them and then photoshop them into the original? And also, can I see the 'photo-shopped' photo to make sure I'm happy with it." Face. Palm.
My previous boss asked if we could add a hyperlink, that people could 'click on and it would take them direct to the web page, without them having to type it in. Fair enough, but this was on a paper, 'hold in your hand' document. I've never worked out how she thought that would work.
A couple from me:
1) A fridge magnet request. Seems straightforward, until handed two sides of A4 and told "this is the info we need on it..." Erm, we're designing a fridge magnet, not a fridge door!
2) Asked to order some mini trees in tubes for giveaways at an eco-event. They arrive, understandably as it's Autumn, as twigs with the ocassional leaf in the bottom of the tube. CE - "Can you phone and complain, and get some with leaves on?"
'Can you write a press release to say that only 10 per cent of the borough has called or written to say that they are unhappy with our bin collection changes, 90 per cent must be really happy?"
(The answer was no...)
(on how to deliver some rules and guidance to our 250 employees)
Me: "Why don't we give it to our staff as a booklet so it feels more personal to them and they're more likely to read it."
Senior Manager: "How old fashioned. Just stick it up on the intranet somewhere."
Last week I was informed that our exec member is "fed up with good news". Sat there thinking: "Toto, we're not in s*dding Kansas any more." This is in adult social care BTW.
Excellent stuff. You can now vote on which is the Champion Facepalm moment in this quick poll: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/HZ6HNBB
We had an expensive design agency contracted to deliver a recyling campaign, yet had to ask three senior councillors and a strategic director what colour they thought a sticker to go on people's wheelie bins should be.
I was asked to prepare the chairman's end of financial year message. Then I was told I wasn't senior enough to see the actual financial results. Perplexed I asked how was I supposed to create the narrative and was advised to write options, for example... the company has done well/poorly. Stocks are up/down etc... and then someone senior to me would remove the wrong descriptor from my draft. I waited for someone to say 'ha it's a joke', but they were deadly serious. I declined on the grounds of sanity.
"Right. I want this to look super slick, and super sexy".
It was a 100% attendance certificate...
You need to know that my manager was lovely but...
We were in delicate negotiations over service change with a community. A local consultee was dragging his feet on a quote for a press release. So she just made it up. It was my fault because I told her deadlines were important.
Not long after (very belatedly) setting up the social media channels at a previous council I worked at, I received a panicked phone-call on my day off from a member of staff asking how he could take something down from our Facebook page. The item in question was one of those 'meet single women in your area' ads that appear down the side of the page under the heading marked 'ads'. I had to patiently explain these were tailored adverts to his Facebook account and they weren't hosted on the page itself.
The same member of staff also once told me there was a spelling mistake on our website because 'favorite' was spelt wrong on his file edit menu at the top of IE. Again, I had to explain that not everything he could see on his screen was hosted on the website.
The staff member in question? The Communications Manager.
ariwylin e3d3fd1842 https://infomed.app/polantyoustut